babies need to shut the fuck up and get a job
shannananan: mercimonamie: i fell in love with him like ketchup falls out of a bottle: slowly, and then all at once. oh my god you managed to one up john green.
shikajika: ive finally found the symbol that fits my gender
a-timeless-watch: if you’re gonna make me the third wheel on the sidewalk at least let me stand in front so i can pretend i’m leading my army into battle
moriartyisaprincess: barackobama: feathersmcstrange: polished-trophy-pretty-whore: stuckwithharrypottertilltheend: sneadly: WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF I WANT TO READ IN THE SHOWER AND TO PROTECT MY BOOKS FROM MY TEARS IT’S 2012 WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF. IT’S 2013 WHY ARE BOOKS NOT WATERPROOF OBAMA FIX THIS. I’m working on it
letterstogodptiii: tea-books-and-blankets: yaygocats: discomplete: “i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography “I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel. “I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy “I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book
rabioheab: how do i get paid ridiculous amounts of money for doing absolutely nothing
sorryforpartybarackin: im no cactus expert, but i know a prick when i see one
me at school: omg when i get home i've got to do loads of shit like finish that project and read that book omg i need to review for that test too omg so much to do
me at home:
peanutbuttarunna: a-fucking-creeper: mareeps: they should have made specialty ice cream flavors for the election mint romney and obamanana split i’m 500% done with this site barackyroad
egberts: sodamist: egberts: i think my cat is allergic to cats That sounds pretty Catastrophic i hope you get arrested for that
dean-tacos-cas: spookapple: jackvessalius: look what we have here i have legitimately never laughed harder and for as long in my entire life
hungarian: it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
menmas-booty: menmas-booty: There is this kid in my school who dresses as sonic everyday and no one knows his name so everyone just calls him sonic. He also runs through the hallways like him too. For those who might doubt me
cutiepie-cas: iamdonewiththesetwo: cutiepie-cas: Oh my god I went to the bathroom and when I came back about half of my class started saying happy birthday Amy and I am so confused like I don’t even talk to these people tumblr is the only place I announced my birthday and I’m genuinely concerned someone follows you on tumblr NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IM ACTUALLY SCARED I MEAN I HAVE...
generalknoxx: triskaidecagon: seeing your reflection when watching tv :/ the fact you cannot see the camera is stressing me out like how the fuck did you take that
ghostingthespace: whatsgoingon12: riddlemehiddleston: things that say a lot about a person their favourite character the lyrics they write on their hands the colours they wear which murder weapon they prefer how they make their tea .wait yeah, what does tea have to do with their personality?
tourist: could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
new yorker: no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol
tourist: oh you think you're clever???
new yorker: what
tourist: i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness
new yorker: oh... oh i'm so sor
tourist: no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself
the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole
internetmessiah: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?